How We Forget to Build Relationships

Most of us have been building relationships since nursery school. We played side by side with our best friends, shared crayons, and sometimes fought over Legos. In elementary school, we likely had a few close friends. That continued through high school, college, and into adulthood.

And yet, what I hear from clients and other business consultants is this:
"It feels hard to know how to build relationships in a business context."

We go to networking events and feel like we’re either handing out cards to people we don’t know, or having that done to us. We grow wary of coffee chats that may cost us time without creating meaningful connection. We show up to conferences hoping to meet someone new, but feel awkward when everyone else already seems to have someone to talk to.

When Networking Feels Transactional

I experienced this recently at a large conference in San Diego. I was excited to attend, but also a little nervous. With more than 3,000 people and no familiar faces in the crowd, I wondered how it would feel to connect with new people.

To my surprise, most people were kind and open. The initial conversations were easy: “Tell me about what you do. Why are you here?” But soon after that, the tone shifted. I noticed how quickly some conversations turned into subtle assessments.

It became less about connection and more about calculation.
Who are you? How can you help me?

At first glance, this seems efficient. But is it really effective?

The Cost of Fast-Tracking Connection

I’ve come to believe this is why business relationships often feel strange.
We are trying to connect in spaces designed for speed.

But most of us don’t open up in three minutes. We need time to resonate, to feel safe, to find shared ground. And in environments that rush that process, we begin to question our value.

Rejection doesn’t always show up as a firm “no.” Sometimes it’s a missed follow-up, a fading email thread, or a disinterested smile. As Not for Everyone explores, rejection often says more about the other person’s priorities or limitations than it does about us.

Still, we internalize the silence. We wonder if we said the wrong thing, or weren’t interesting enough. But the truth is, you may not be doing anything wrong. You may just be in the wrong room.

Reconnection Starts with Self-Trust

One of the core takeaways is this: Not every space is meant for you, and not every person is your people.

That insight can feel tender. But it’s also freeing.

You don’t have to contort yourself to be accepted. You don’t need to perform to be seen. And you don’t have to stay in conversations that feel more extractive than reciprocal.

So what’s the alternative?

You reconnect with relationship-building as a slow, intentional act.
You lead with curiosity instead of strategy.
You notice where you feel more like yourself, and where you don’t.

What Would Change If We Didn’t Rush?

What I’ve realized is that building strong business relationships has a lot in common with childhood friendships. It requires time, shared space, and small repeated moments of trust.

Here are a few questions to reflect on if you’re navigating networking fatigue:

• What if you didn’t need every conversation to lead to a sale?
• What if you let some relationships grow quietly over time?
• What would change if you built connection instead of chasing relevance?

We forget to build relationships when we focus only on outcomes. We remember how when we return to resonance.

The most valuable connections in your business may not come from the fastest conversations. They may come from the quietest ones, the slowest ones, the most surprising ones.

You don’t have to be for everyone. You just have to be real enough to be remembered by the right ones.

N.B. Post revised 2025 for relevance.